#people ### Systems of Thought 1. Animal mind, fast, instinctive and emotional 2. Slow, Deliberate and Logical - Framing Effect - Loss Aversion BATNA: Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement People want to be understood and accepted. Listening is the cheapest, yet most effective concession we can make to get there. Negotiation feeds: - Information Gathering - Behavior Influencing You get what you ask for, so you have to ask correctly. When the pressure is on, you don't rise to the occasion, you fall to your highest level of preparation. [[Negotiation One Sheet]]  ## The Five Big Ideas 1. Negotiation begins with listening, making it about the other people, validating their emotions, and creating enough trust and safety for a real conversation to begin. 2. Use mirrors to encourage the other side to empathize and bond with you, keep people talking, buy your side time to regroup, and encourage your counterparts to reveal their strategy. 3. Tactical empathy brings our attention to both the emotional obstacles and the potential pathways to getting an agreement done. 4. Giving someone’s emotion a name, otherwise known as labeling, gets you close to someone without asking about external factors you know nothing about. 5. “No” provides a great opportunity for you and the other party to clarify what you really want by eliminating what you don’t want. # Be a Mirror Instead of prioritizing your argument, **make your focus on the other person and what they have to say.** True listening disarms your counterpart. It causes them to feel safe and the voice in their head begins to quiet down. The goal is to identify what your counterparts need and get them to continually talk about it. Going too fast is one mistake that many negotiators are prone to making. Mirroring, when practiced consciously, is **the art of insinuating similarity.** Mirroring is the art of insinuating similarity, which facilitates bonding. Use mirrors to encourage the other side to empathize and bond with you, keep people talking, buy your side time to regroup, and encourage your counterparts to reveal their strategy. ## Don’t Feel Their Pain, Label It Instead of denying or ignoring emotions, **good negotiators identify or influence them.** **Tactical Empathy:** understanding the feelings and mindset of another person at the moment, and hearing what is behind those feelings. Labels begin with: - “It _seems_ like …” - “It _sounds_ like …” - “It _looks_ like …” In basic terms, people’s emotions have two levels: 1. the “presenting” behavior is the part above the surface you can see and hear; beneath, 2. the “underlying” feeling is what motivates the behavior. ## Trigger The Two Words That Immediately Transform Any Negotiation The two words are: **That’s right.** The “that’s right” breakthrough usually doesn’t come at the beginning of a conversation. **Paraphrasing (re-articulating what has been said) + Labeling emotions = Summary.** A summary is a very powerful negotiating tool. “That’s right” is better than “yes”. ## Create The Illusion of Control Avoid a showdown. **Don’t attempt to force your opponent to admit that you’re right**. Avoid questions that will be answered with a “yes” or a tiny piece of data. **Ask calibrated questions that start with “how” or “what”**. Don’t ask questions that start with “why”. Calibrate your inquiries to point your counterpart toward solving your problem. When you’re attacked during a negotiation, avoid angry emotional reactions.