Giving feedback well is the easier half. Receiving it in a way that makes people willing to give it again is the constraint, and it has five steps. ### **What I'm thinking about** 1. **Ask** – And understand why they won't volunteer it. "For them, it is an asymmetric bet in the negative direction. If you take the feedback well, you will positively change your behaviour, resulting in a +1. If, however, you accept the feedback badly, then you may become vindictive and try to destroy the person, which for them would be a negative 100. **Most rational people will not make this wager.**" 2. **Acknowledge** – *"I think I heard you say…"* Summarise in their voice. *"Is that right?"* Repeat until they confirm. Then *"Is there more?"* until there isn't. The source calls this "the single most powerful tool that I know of to create trust and connection" and notes it is **more impactful than acting on the feedback.** 3. **Appreciate** – Say thank you. Don't explain, don't contextualise, don't defend. Just thank you. 4. **Accept — or not** – You do not have to accept everything, "or it would become tyranny of the feedback-giver." But declare which, and if you decline, explain your reasoning. "Bring us into your world." 5. **Act** – Co-create an action with a date, do it, and tell them you did. Then publish the feedback and the action widely. ### **So what?** The asymmetry in point one is the thing to internalise. Silence from your team is not evidence that nothing is wrong; it is a rational response to an unfavourable bet. The only thing that changes the odds is your observable behaviour over many repetitions. Two structural details make it work. Carve out the last five to ten minutes of every meeting for it, in writing — an open invitation never gets taken up, because nobody wants to be the one who forces the agenda item. And use the extraction script when someone is holding back: *"Don't say it, just think it. What's the thought you're afraid to tell me because you think it'll hurt my feelings? Do you have it? Now please say it."* Related: [[Making People Feel Heard]] [[Absolute Feedback]] [[Withholding Feedback Is Self-Fulfilling]] [[Praise Earns the Right to Critique]] [[Executive Operating System MOC]]